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It’s a close run race. Cameron and Miliband are both total pricks. They each claim to be different when they agree. Both the Lefites and the Righties have tried to make over-complicated fiddly little tax changes which really help no-one.

The latest stupid move is from the double-twat blend of the Conservatives and the Liberals. They want to introduce a “pay-as-you-go” road tax. Or a motorway tax. They aren’t quite sure yet. One thing is clear though – both ideas have as much merit as recycled soluble coffee.

Pay-as-you-go road tax. The basic idea is to tax people more if they drive more. This would be very difficult to police. About the best idea is to charge folk when they get their MOTs or Road Tax(!) done. The problems? (1) We really do no want people to have extra reasons to avoid having their cars fully road-worthy. (2) People have not got the spare coins to pay for an MOT and extra tax at the same time. (3) It is unfair to charge people more if they have to drive to work simply because they have had the decency to get a bloody job. (4) We already have sodding pay-as-you-go-tax system … it’s called sodding fuel tax you stupid dumb bastards.

The motorway tax. Now this winds me up too. Do they plan to install toll-station are on each motorway? Isn’t the congestion bad enough already? Because we’d really love more queues. Also, it’d be great to encourage people to use back roads through small villages – you know, instead of the motorways.

And BOTH ideas are crap because, in order for them to actually benefit from one of the above loony schemes, they’d have to charge so damn much that our country would again be shunted further up it’s own backside.

So, dear MPs, please stop being stupid and come up with a SIMPLE solution.

For example, if you need more money from drivers: increase the fuel duty. I know it is shit, but it is slightly more fair, a whole lot cheaper to set up, and requires no special policing or tracking.

If you need more tax from workers, then raise income tax by 1%, reduce all benefits by 1%, and reduce your own f**king wage by 2% because you’re crap at your jobs. Again, this is such a cheap, fair, and simple solution that even MPs could understand it.